It had been several nonstop days, and I was incredibly tired physically and mentally. I had been juggling several different projects, people and the inevitable 'unexpected'. I awoke tired and wanted more than anything to return to my bed rather than my morning routine of reading my Bible, journaling and spending time with God. I said a quick prayer and asked God for just a few more minutes of sleep. As I covered my head and almost drifted back to sleep, I heard God's beckoning voice calling me to arise and listen. So I got up and sought Him. My reading settled on Philippians 4:4-7. Rejoice in The Lord ALWAYS.... Do not be anxious... With prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God... And the Peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I walked a few laps around the campus praying and laying all my concerns for each individual child and loved ones in my life at the feet of Jesus. I could feel the weight lifting with each word and step and felt myself transforming, refreshed and renewed. I continued to sing praises to God as I showered and prepared for the day. I walked out of my door with energy and excitement. Not from an energy drink or caffeine, but from the precious Spirit of God, which was pumping in my heart and through my veins. I love my mornings with God and His rejuvenating therapy in just spending time with Him.
As I walked across to the office building I think there was a slight spring in my step as I continued to sing praises to God. Then I was rudely interrupted by a stepping stone that had become unbalanced and decided to bolt me to the ground. It was like something you would see in a movie. Me smiling, singing, gliding across the lawn, then straight to the ground with my knee grinding hard into the rocky steps. Ripped my pants, took a few layers of skin off, leaving my knee bloody and bruised and most of all....killed my joy.
I quickly jumped up and went into the office and tended my wound, then just sat at my desk and cried. Yes, my knee hurt, but more than anything my heart hurt. It's like in that one moment, Satan took my joy and all the truths God had filled my heart with that morning and flushed them down the toilet. I sat for a while in silence and felt sorry for myself and then the Voice of Truth pushed through my whining and reminded me HE was still with me. The same as when He walked and whispered sweet comforts in my ears in the morning, He was also there with me as I fell and even as I sat at my desk sorting through my thoughts. He will never leave me or forsake me. Yes, God...I remember. Thank you Lord for holding my hand...even when I fall.
Where God is at work, Satan will attack. When we are full of God's joy, something will literally push us off course and try to steal our peace. When God is moving in the hearts of His people, something will come to distract and take the focus off of HIS plan and back to our own weakness and needs. As I limped around throughout the day with a sore knee, I was constantly reminded of my morning fall. But more significantly of our daily falls. Something I frequently tell the children is: "We all fall. What matters, is that we get back up and move forward. Don't just stay there."
We are not defined by our mistakes or scars, but strengthened by them. God can take our worst mistakes, failures and disappointments and use them to transform not only our hearts and lives, but those of everyone we meet.
Thankful for my fall......
