Moments & Memories

We were singing in church one night and as usual many of the younger children were jumping and dancing along with the music.  Suddenly a song we had sung a thousand times seemed to open a portal to the past. A couple of girls next to me were doing a choreography dance to “I give you the Glory” and I was suddenly transported in my mind to 9 years ago.  

The first time I saw Yessy do that same dance she was around 12 years old.  She had a look of innocence in her eyes and a messy bun on top of her head as she danced carefree in the presence of the Lord, giving him Glory.  She wasn't hindered by the other girls her age who watched on, too embarrassed to dance now that they were growing up.  She had a free spirit and a beautiful soul.  Yessy had a way of always bringing a smile to my face even in the midst of her mischief.  When she died last year my heart broke into a thousand pieces and it still hurts thinking of ‘unfinished business’ in her life.  I often ask God why. 

That night in church it’s like all the tears I have fought back over this past (very difficult) year came flooding out while we sang and I couldn’t get that image of Yessy out of my head.  It literally haunted me for days and each time I ‘saw’ her I broke down again.  The truth is I haven’t allowed myself to cry much this year.  I have tried to be strong for all of those around me and in doing so have closed off my emotions.  Maybe even before this year.  I don’t write much anymore just because I can’t seem to get the words out.  I don’t know how to express all that has happened... difficult times and blessings.  I think it started when Ariel died.  A part of my heart died with him and I didn’t know how to grieve.  Then our Faith Home kids were growing up and leaving so fast I couldn’t absorb it all.  I love each one as my own and with each one that leaves and has to find life on their own outside the gates, another part of my heart breaks.  How many pieces do I have left?   I internalized it all.  

Back to Yessy.  Several days of seeing her in my mind and ugly crying, then we go back to church. The very first song Henry plays is the SAME one that started this whole opening the flood gates in my eyes and heart.  So I closed my eyes and prayed throughout the song “God show me what this means”.  As we sang “I Give you the Glory” I saw a different image of Yessy.  She was dancing at the feet of Jesus singing with all of her innocent heart, giving Him glory for her life.   So I did too.  

God you know the days you need us here on this earth.  And I trust that you knew when and why Yessy went home to be with you so soon.  I give you glory Lord for all and trust that you hold each and every one of our children, young and old, in the palm of your hands.   Thank you Lord for opening those floodgates and allowing me to cry it out so you can pour more into my heart.  Amen

Through their Eyes

I have often heard the phrase "If you could just walk a mile in their shoes" and agree totally with that concept.   But many times we pass people without seeing or knowing their path or even exchanging words to get an idea of what they are walking through.  But their eyes....their eyes tell it all.   The stress of a busy person.  The pain of a person struggling with illness or death.   The sadness of an unimaginable loss.  The loneliness.  The shame.  The pride.  The joy.  All of it is there, we just have to look.  Really take a moment and look.  

This is something I strive to do with the children around me in Honduras.  To recognize the looks in their eyes to know when & how to talk to them and most importantly ...how to pray for them.  I try to see the situations from their viewpoint and pray specifically for the way they feel in context with the way they see a situation - past & present.  It seems we can talk for hours - from our point of view - but if we don't understand where the person is coming from, we never truly connect in a way that can make a difference.  

Apparently when something is heavy on your heart & mind in one country, God has a way of using it also as we cross those cultural boundaries.  This week as I found myself surrounded by Christian mission & ministry leaders, I noticed something different...in their eyes.  In the midst of talking and preaching and everyone trying to connect....I saw their eyes.  God gave me glimpses of people who I love and respect from a different perspective.  He reminded me I need to try to see things from their viewpoints as well and remember to pray for them in very specific ways.  We are all struggling with something.  We all need prayers.  And those moments when you recognize something in the eyes of others and have no words...pray.  Pray for them.  Pray for their families.  Pray for their ministries. Pray for those who have yet discovered God's purpose and path.  I encountered many people his week.  From the brave workers sacrificing their time to care for the children while others soaked up the sessions - to the interns & volunteers running around making it all work - to the speakers who brought us a wealth of knowledge - to those there to connect & learn - to the servers in the restaurants and the hotels.  They all had a story.  I pray that each one encountered someone who took a moment to look into their eyes and see things from their perspective.  

It's always an adjustment going between two different cultures. But it seems some things aren't so different after all.  No matter what color eyes I am looking into, God put me in front of that person -in that moment- for a purpose.   I pray that I remember to put down my own plans long enough to see the eyes in front of me.  That God gives me a glimpse and discernment of how to pray for them.  And that even if they never know who I am, in one moment they may see Christ in me and be forever changed.  

P.S. We have to put down our phones as well, in order to see who God has put in front of us.  ;-)

SEE THEIR WORLD THROUGH THEIR EYES...

Remembering...

Felix Ariel Hernandez Medrano
April 3, 1994 - November 10, 2013

It's been one year since Felix Ariel was taken from us prematurely.  Someone, who may never pay the price, chose to cut his life short.  Choices.  They change everything.  I think often of the choices that were made in the life...and death of Felix Ariel.  The choice of God to create his life.  The choice of his biological parents to not care for him as they should or maybe the lack of choices that prevented them from caring for him. The choice of someone to rescue him and bring him to Faith Home.  The choices made within the loving, caring, safe environment of Faith Home, that helped to develop who he would become.  His own choices that affected his path that may have ultimately lead to his death.  The choice of those who took his life.  Choices. Millions of little choices made during the 19 years Felix Ariel was on this earth. His most important choice of all, only God knows.  I know from our final conversation that Ariel was making choices to try to better his life and I feel that Christ was in the center of those choices. 

The death of Ariel marked the awakening of the children of Faith Home.  The realization that they are not invincible.  The reality of life outside the gates.  The depth of our sorrow and tears that night was earth shaking, as we huddled together with the children trying to control our own tremors and tears long enough to comfort others.  Days of darkness have followed mixed with moments of joy as the next generation continues to grow and mature and make their own choices.  A year later we still wrestle over choices.  The choices we must make every day that ultimately affect he lives of the Faith Home children and help guide them to make the best choices of their own. 

My prayer continues to be that the life of Felix Ariel will count for something.  God did not rescue him from the streets only to return and die there without a purpose for his existence.  The choice is ours.  We must choose to remember.  To remember the life of Ariel.  To remember his smile and the joy he brought to the lives of others. To remember to make the best choices we can with the lives that we have been entrusted with.  May God's Glory be shown through each and every life we have the opportunity to touch and may God always be in the center of all of our choices.

In the Valley Below

Sometimes when things don’t go the way we planned, we get upset and discouraged and completely miss the fact that maybe GOD HAS SOMETHING BETTER IN MIND.  We have a vision of the way things should be or we want to recapture a moment where God revealed Himself clearly to us.  So we push forward with all of ‘our’ strength trying to reach the goal we have set for ourselves.  It’s not necessarily that the goal is wrong or that the motives aren’t pure, but maybe it’s the point that we must wait on God’s timing, God’s clarity and GOD’S defining and focusing of the vision.  I have had several of those moments over the past few years as I seek God’s purposes for myself and those I have been entrusted with.   I am learning (continually) when to move and when to stop.  But sometimes I try to push forward in my own might and God has to get my attention in a mighty way.  This past weekend was one of those times.

I had been anxiously waiting for the visit of my friend Kirsten and we had plans to go up to the Bible Institute to study and pray together, as we had the last time she was here.  We were both looking forward to recapturing those moments of clarity that God had given us in our time on ‘Top of the Mountain’ (physically and spiritually).  A few days before she arrived, she told me of a leg injury in which she would not be able to ‘climb’ the mountain, and she flippantly said ‘but you have a truck to carry me up’.  And thus the plan began to unravel.  The day she arrived, my truck had to go to the shop.  We were juggling vehicles to get everyone where they needed to be and only the Isuzu was available to take us up the mountain for our morning devotion and prayer time.  We were talking and laughing as we started the climb up the mountain and just as we turned the corner to climb, the vehicle died.  I started it again and warmed it up and we both laughed about maybe we weren’t supposed to go up.  We made it a little further and it died again at a very difficult angle of the climb, so we rolled back down a little and tried again.  After countless tries and no luck, we resolved that for some reason we were not supposed to go up this day.  I put the vehicle in neutral and we literally rolled back down the mountain and down in front of the Faith Home gate.  I left the truck there for Mauricio to fix and we walked back through the gate, heads down, feeling somewhat defeated.  There were no other vehicles available…now what?  So we walked to the team house and sat on the porch to study and pray.  During that time, God poured scripture and thoughts into our hearts and we felt a calling to prayer walk the Faith Home campus.  There are so many things going on every day in the lives of the children and adults on this campus, and we felt an overwhelming drawing to pray specifically for each and every soul and building.

The next morning we walked and prayed for several hours and received such a blessing as we poured ourselves out to God on behalf of each and every one on campus.  Alejandra and Eduarda felt the leading to do the same the next morning.  I went down at 5 am and prayed on the porch of the girls’ house, while they walked and prayed over the entire campus.  Later that morning, we had a fasting service in the Faith Home chapel and others decided to form a chain of prayer and went out 2 by 2, for 4 hours, walking and praying over our campus and asking God’s blessing and protection over the lives and hearts of our children and adults here.  Some of the Faith Home children even joined in the prayer walk with curiosity and reverence.  What an incredible blessing for all!

Reflecting on this experience, I am ever so thankful that I was not able to climb the mountain that day.  I am thankful for God literally rolling me back down against my own determination and bringing me back into the valley to be poured out for others instead of standing on top of a mountain for my own desires. 

Sometimes He takes us to the top of the mountain, and sometimes He requires that we stay in the valley below so that we can see ‘what lies underneath’ and take every need to Him in prayer and submission.  Lesson learned….again.  J

Thankful for my Fall...

It had been several nonstop days, and I was incredibly tired physically and mentally.  I had been juggling several different projects, people and the inevitable 'unexpected'.  I awoke tired and wanted more than anything to return to my bed rather than my morning routine of reading my Bible, journaling and spending time with God.  I said a quick prayer and asked God for just a few more minutes of sleep.  As I covered my head and almost drifted back to sleep, I heard God's beckoning voice calling me to arise and listen.  So I got up and sought Him.  My reading settled on Philippians 4:4-7.  Rejoice in The Lord ALWAYS....  Do not be anxious... With prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God...  And the Peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

I walked a few laps around the campus praying and laying all my concerns for each individual child and loved ones in my life at the feet of Jesus.  I could feel the weight lifting with each word and step and felt myself transforming, refreshed and renewed.  I continued to sing praises to God as I showered and prepared for the day.   I walked out of my door with energy and excitement.  Not from an energy drink or caffeine, but from the precious Spirit of God, which was pumping in my heart and through my veins. I love my mornings with God and His rejuvenating therapy in just spending time with Him.

As I walked across to the office building I think there was a slight spring in my step as I continued to sing praises to God.  Then I was rudely interrupted by a stepping stone that had become unbalanced and decided to bolt me to the ground.  It was like something you would see in a movie.  Me smiling, singing, gliding across the lawn, then straight to the ground with my knee grinding hard into the rocky steps.  Ripped my pants, took a few layers of skin off, leaving my knee bloody and bruised and most of all....killed my joy.

I quickly jumped up and went into the office and tended my wound, then just sat at my desk and cried.  Yes, my knee hurt, but more than anything my heart hurt.  It's like in that one moment, Satan took my joy and all the truths God had filled my heart with that morning and flushed them down the toilet.  I sat for a while in silence and felt sorry for myself and then the Voice of Truth pushed through my whining and reminded me HE was still with me.  The same as when He walked and whispered sweet comforts in my ears in the morning, He was also there with me as I fell and even as I sat at my desk sorting through my thoughts.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  Yes, God...I remember.  Thank you Lord for holding my hand...even when I fall.

Where God is at work, Satan will attack.  When we are full of God's joy, something will literally push us off course and try to steal our peace.  When God is moving in the hearts of His people, something will come to distract and take the focus off of HIS plan and back to our own weakness and needs.  As I limped around throughout the day with a sore knee, I was constantly reminded of my morning fall.  But more significantly of our daily falls.  Something I frequently tell the children is:  "We all fall.  What matters, is that we get back up and move forward. Don't just stay there." 

 We are not defined by our mistakes or scars, but strengthened by them.  God can take our worst mistakes, failures and disappointments and use them to transform not only our hearts and lives, but those of everyone we meet. 

Thankful for my fall......

Sanctuary - Thoughts from a Hospital Room

Faith Home has had quite a few sicknesses and problems over the past few months.  I am doing my best to give each problem to God and seek His wisdom for healing and answers.  I must admit that at times, I feel that twinge of stress where I think "I have no idea what to do".  Then as if someone is poking me in the ribs with an elbow, I hear that still small voice that says "you don't have to know what to do, just listen and follow".  And so that's how the days go, when all seems out of control.  I stop, listen and marvel at how God works out the details...when I remember to step aside and let Him move.  

The past few days in the hospital with Fernando were starting to get to me last night.  I would read my Bible and pray and feel God's sweet release, then I would pick up the bags of worry for Fernando and the others and then start hashing out all the things in my mind that are going on.  I try to keep singing and smiling so Fernando doesn't see the worry on my face.  

Around 9:00 last night I started feeling uncomfortable and itchy and lifted my shirt to see an ugly rash covering my stomach and back.  My first reaction was panic.  Now what?  I can't reach Hector or anyone at Faith Home because the cell service has been messed up in that area for two weeks.  Yes, I am in a hospital but the doctors are all gone for the night.    I don't want to leave Fernando and check into the emergency room to get meds.   I can wait, but what if it gets worse?  The nurses came in and thought it was an allergic reaction and said I should walk down to the pharmacy and get meds.  

As I walked the long corridor to the pharmacy I kept thinking "seriously, what more can go wrong?"  Then the familiar poke in the ribs came and the God's comforting voice that said "listen and follow.  Give it to me."  So I did and I felt the weights lift off my shoulders as I prayed, purchased some meds, floated back to the room and drifted off into the sweetest sleep one has ever had in a hospital chair.  The rash is weakening and my faith is strengthening. 

My morning devotion today was -appropriately- about Job.  I truly appreciated the words and thoughts that reminded me that close communication with God is the only source of comfort, no matter how devastating the circumstances.  I love that in the midst of Job's grief of the most horrible sense of loss --HE PRAISED GOD.   I often sing when I feel emotions of stress, sadness or frustration creeping in.  One of my favorites is "Sanctuary".    'Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and Holy, tried and true, with thanksgiving, I will be a living sanctuary, for you'.   

So whatever this day holds, God I give it to you.  I lay it in your faithful hands and trust that you will work in and through me and that Your Glory will be shown as you heal the sick, strengthen the weak, protect the children and show mercy to me in spite of myself.  

A Gift of Love

What do you want for your birthday?   Simple question and for most people, there would be a long list of wants.  But for Wilder, one of our newest Faith Home children, it seemed like a foreign concept.  He looked puzzled for a few minutes and then he said "I want to go visit my brothers and sisters for my birthday".   My response "okay, we can do that, but what do you want-- for you?"  He quickly replied "only that".   So after some prompting and suggestions, he finally understood that he would actually receive a gift for his birthday.  He decided he would like some shoes....some cool ones. 

For most of our children who have grown up at Faith Home, they EXPECT a gift and always know months in advance what they want.  But for 11 year old Wilder, this was a pleasant surprise.  He can't remember ever receiving a gift for his birthday.  He was so excited when we showed up at his house in the morning and the entire house sang happy birthday to him.   He grinned from ear to ear as he tried out his new remote control car and held up his new clothes and shoes.  When he spotted the mound of candy in the bottom of the bag, he immediately started handing it out to every one in his house.  I have never seen anyone more appreciative of a gift.  The greatest gift for him was the gift of love.  Humbling and inspiring!

Wilder came to Faith Home in August of this year.  After his arrival, we discovered that he has siblings (complicated story).  He has such a heart to see and help them.   As we arrived where they are staying, the looks on their faces as they squealed with joy and hugged each other was priceless!   The oldest boy cried as he held Wilder close.  I watched as Wilder carefully handed out the candy, stuffed animals and cupcakes we brought for them.  I listened as they visited and caught up on each others lives.  And I choked back tears as the youngest boy held on to my leg and told me not to leave and that they wanted to go with us.  Oh how I wanted to take them.   They need help.  They need a home with 3 meals a day...every day.  They need to experience the love Christ and the love of a family as Wilder is now experiencing.  And they need to be re-united with their brother and experience the hope that he now has and wants to share.

Please pray with us for Wilder's siblings.   Pray that God will provide new house parents and the funding needed to bring more children to Faith Home.   Please pray about how you can join us as we help children, like Wilder, grow to break the cycle of poverty and abuse and share God's gift of love with others.

God Bless,

Christina Massey, Director

Faith Home Ministries

faithhome.honduras@gmail.com

www.faithhome.net

Please consider how you can give back from what God has blessed you with. 

Donations can be sent to:

GBIM 

100 Stinson Drive

Poplar Bluff, MO 63901

Please Write 'Faith Home' in the memo line.