Another day in Honduras in which I received MUCH more than I could possibly give. We spent the day in El Milagro working out of an orphanage ‘Alpha & Omega’. We treated the children of the orphanage, the children of the nearby school and the people of the community. The first couple of church services, I felt myself being emotionally detached. I went through the motions of loving the children and I prayed for them as we did children’s ministry, but I wouldn’t look in their eyes.
Yesterday’s goodbye at Emanuel shook me to the core. I couldn’t sleep last night because every time I closed my eyes, I saw the girl's face crying and her mother asking me to take her home with me. It wasn’t so much the fact that I couldn’t take her home, it was the love I saw in her eyes for me and the love I felt for her. I had only known her 3 days! I have been on 13 mission trips and have had lots of kids that stole my heart, so I’m not so sure why this was different….but it was. However unintentional, I had turned off my feelings and didn't know what to do about it.
About the time I was having this realization, Jennifer and I were walking back to the building. I started to share with her what I was feeling. I didn’t even finish the first sentence, when one of the little girls from the orphanage came running up calling my name and threw her arms around my legs. As I bent down to talk to her, she told me she loved me. Hmmmm does our God have perfect timing or what?
Of course my heart melted in an instant! To turn off the pain, is to also turn off the blessings. It’s a blessed pain that I feel when I have to leave these children. All I can do is show them love and receive their love in the meantime, remembering that God knows best and will take care of the rest.
I had an awesome day of children’s ministry, helping with family photos (lots of baby kissing) and enjoying the beautiful view of the orphanage nestled in the gorgeous mountains of Honduras. God didn’t let me stay disconnected for too long or I would have missed so many moments that are forever etched in my heart…..a heart longing for more.
